There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
