I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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