And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
