He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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