why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
