I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
