you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
