coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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