He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
