I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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