I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize