Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
