and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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