Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
