I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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