Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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