My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
