There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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