plz talk dirty to me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
