There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
