I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize