I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
