So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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