Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
3pm strippers are depressing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
