Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize