Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
