ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
