I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
