The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
