I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
