my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize
