drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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