He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
