i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize