we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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