Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
