So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
