Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
