She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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