I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize