We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
