So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize