He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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