hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
