Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
