ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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