Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
