And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
