I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
