idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I stole a fireplace last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
