I feel like abortions should bother me more
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What a dumb baby whore.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
