Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
