Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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