the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
