Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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