dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
