Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
