Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
