tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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