When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
