i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
