Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
