And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
