yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
