Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
