i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
