a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize