I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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