Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
