I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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