My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
