he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You took a bar mat shot.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The adults are the big ones right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
