Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
