my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
