I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize