did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize