Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
