Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
