Can i not drive my cunt home
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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