Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
