I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize