No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize