i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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