I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
