the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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