Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
