....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
