margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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