I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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