I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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