I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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