it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize