Is it normal to miss your booty call?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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