It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
