her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well you can't waste a boner
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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