I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
